Dear Tech Support A year ago, I, system administrator, upgraded to DrinkingMates 4.2 to Girlfriend 3.1. It had lots of bugs. I thought I might see better performance with Girlfriend 3.5. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with Girlfriend 3.5. He said that I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 3.5, and that eventually it would require a Token ring to run properly. He was right --- as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself. Shortly after that, I installed Girlfriend 4.0. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.5. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that Girlfriend 3.1 was still in my system! Then I tried to run Girlfriend 3.1 again with Girlfriend 4.5 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.5 has a feature that I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of Girlfriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions! 18 months later, I upgraded to Girlfriend Plus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of Girlfriend 4.5. One of the primary reasons I decided to go with Girlfriend Plus 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus 1.0. I discovered that Girlfriend Plus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Girlfriend Plus 1.1, which installs itself as "Fiancee 1.0". So I did, but soon after that I had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which I describe as a a memory hogger. The upgrade provided a number of new features which the old program did not offer. However, unlike what you promotional brochure suggested, I am not convinced that I am happy about these features. For example, unlike Girlfriend 3.1, Wife 1.0 features much more comprehensive schedule monitoring. That in itself is an interesting option, but I do not understand why it beeps insistently if it is not continually updated. Wife 1.0 also provides a remarkably consistent workplace calling feature. I have searched through the online help, but still have been unable to locate how to turn this feature off. A number of other programs which I often ran on my computer in the past with no problems have begun to behave erratically since the installation of Wife 1.0.it has taken all my space; and Wife 1.0 must be running before I can do anything, I have observed that the program runs a unexpected Child process 2.3 that takes a lot of space and important resources, began making unexpected changes to the accounting software and abnormally increased the size of the wardrobe folder which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as Poker Night 10.3, BachelorNights 10.3,Cricket 5.0, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, NASCAR Racing 3.6 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected (even though they always worked fine before). In addition, applications such as Garbage Out 3.3 and House Work 2.1 have gone from select-as needed to continuous schedule, ignoring them causes Night-on-the-Couch 1.0 to take over all activity. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 3.1, but the UN-install does not work on this program. Once I tried to uninstall Wife 1.0 but got this error "General Protection Fault in module House Security. The uninstallation will abort." It has its own InLaws 1.0, an upgrade from the old plugins MotherInLaw 5.8 and BrotherInLaw 1.0. Now with command lines like “C:\mom +call” or “C:\sister +call” especially when it encountered an argument error against the system which will surely make the system reset in favor of Wife 1.0. The InLaws 1.0 program also had its own worm named “InLawsVisit” with random automatic inputs of “+mom +dad +brother +sister +cousin +niece” where it seize control of all your system resources and also, makes the system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of InLaws 1.0 is unavoidable. Some features I would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:
1. a “Don’t remind me again” button
2. Ability to delete the "headache" file
3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources
4. An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.
Moreover, the Wife 1.0 toolbar seems to have installed itself onto every application on my computer and I have no idea how to get it out. In some cases, the Wife 1.0 toolbar has actually replaced the original options provided by the application, irrevocably altering that application's feature set, usually by eliminating critical options. And after a while with Wife 1.0, I observed that it silently rewrites my system registry and policies adding new entries like “YouShouldBeHome=(time)“, “ForceToKnowEveryFriends=1“, “RequiredSurrenderPaySlip=1“, “LimitTimeWithFriends=(n(in hours with the default value of .30))” and “ForceToGiveSalaryToWife=1” which in the end will cause the system to be “almost” all in favor for Wife 1.0 if you don’t want to encounter NagNag 9.5 and its sub modules. When I try to play one of my favorite video games, Wife 1.0 causes the screen to freeze. The strangest part is that this happens even when I am playing on my PS2 rather than the computer. Worst of all, despite selecting the "minimize" option, I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background when trying to run my favorite application: Porn 6.9. I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.1. Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 3.0 on top of Girlfriend 3.1. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first, otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.The technical support has said me that it is a known bug and that they are looking for some way to bypass the problem, because it seems to be implemented in the kernel (heart) of the application and it is not a good idea to change it.To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.1 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. You are my last hope. Please let me know how to uninstall or deactivate this program or, at the very least, how to regain functionality in some of my other applications. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0! Yet another thing that sucks - all versions of Girlfriend and Wife that I've used are totally "object orientated" and only support hardware with gold plated contacts. After talking again with the service they suggest me to ignore those messages, and when I point that for that solution it was not necessary to phone them, they go back again on the explanation of the former problem (bug in the kernel). It’s been a while now since I first installed Wife 1.0 into my system, but ever since I installed Wife 1.0, I encountered so many problems aside from some unexpected processes and programs like NagNag 9.5 with automatic “\sn” (super-nagnag-mode) parameter which usually result into an argument error if it doesn’t satisfy its needs like more resources even if you call “C:\APOLOGIZE” command. I'm sticking with Dog 1.0b3. It slobbers and chews up the paper, but all in all these bugs are tolerable. It is simple to operate and we get along fine.
Thanks,
Joe
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Tech Support Inc. – 1 Tech Support Plaza – Tech USA

800-FOR-SURE – 888-SAY-WHAT (FAX)
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Dear Joe:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 3.1 to Wife 1.0, thinking that Wife 1.0 is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. We regret that this software has not lived up to your expectations. Fortunately, we have a solution which you can implement immediately to rectify this problem. This solution may best be described as follows: Adjust your expectations. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM like Girlfriend 3.1 and is designed by its Creator (GFSoft Inc.) to run EVERYTHING!!! The sole purpose of this system is to enhance all facets of your life. Frankly, Mr. Smith you should be grateful. Typically, artificial intelligence systems work by adapting themselves over time. What sets Wife 1.0 apart is that rather than adapt itself, it adapts its user. In other words, this unique program improves you as a human being, Mr. Smith, addressing and systematically rectifying all of your flaws. Although you may not realize it at this moment, the upgrade to Wife 1.0 will prove to be the best decision which you have ever made. It will also prove to be the last decision which you have ever made, as now Wife 1.0 will take over the decision making process, allowing you to fill your time with more productive activities, such as career enhancement, pious thoughts, and gratitude. Please consider adjusting your attitude toward this valuable program. Control your destructive tendencies and try to learn about Wife 1.0's unique and wonderful feature set. As you get to know Wife 1.0 and become adept at adjusting your behavior to suit the program's needs, we are confident that you will find inner tranquility. It is important that you do so because the next upgrade, Child 1.0, is coming next year. Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be disastrous, resulting in the loss of valuable system resources. You can not go back to Girlfriend 3.1. Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 3.1 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. Many have tried "workarounds". These only complicate the situation. For example, some have tried to install Girlfriend 4.0 or Wife 1.1 and found the problems persist. Others, in an ill conceived attempt, have tried to run Girlfriend 4.0 in the background while Wife 1.0 is running. This almost always results in serious system conflicts, possibly leading to a non-recoverable system crash. On the other hand, if you change to Girlfriend 4.0 don't try later to change to Wife 2.0 because the problems of this new version of the operating system are the same, or even worse, than those of Wife 1.0. Although a version 1.2 (and even 1.3) of Wife exists, they are only for specialists and not advisable for the normal user. We recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and adjust a few user input parameters. Look in your manual under “Warnings-Alimony/Child Support.” I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest entering the command C:\YESDEAR to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). Should a GPF occur, the best course of action will be to push the Reset Button as soon as lock-up occurs.The system will run smooth as long as you provide needed maintenance time. To free up CPU time and improve performance be certain that you have terminated your several search and scan routines. Remember, the installation of Wife 1.0 can allow maximum system potential, particularly when used with supplementary applications. For example, the GFSoft Contentment Suite (Contentment 2.5 and Reliability 6.2) has been known to max out when run with the GFSoft TLC Suite (TLC 2.0 and Communicator 5.0). Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to require a great deal of system resources. Wife 1.0 comes with the GFSoft Cleanup Suite (Cleanup 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2) of support programs. However, be be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will only cause the system to launch Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software like the GFSoft Flowers Suite (Flowers 2.1, Necklaces 3.2, Chocolates 5.0, and Diamonds 5.0) and the GFSoft Hugs Suite (Hugs 6.0, Kisses 6.0, Tenderness 10.0, Understanding 10.0, and Eating Out Without The Kids 7.2 [used if child processing has already started])! You can also use the GFSoft Yes Darling Suite (Yes Darling 8.0 and You Are Right 4.7), it is a very well known suite of programs that works great as a resident. If you still have problems run GFSoft CDivorce 1.0. It will partition your C:/ drive and give you free space on your hard drive. If your version of Wife is not performing well, try GFSoft Bernard Callebeaut Tools 4.0. It's a small application that can be used in conjunction with the rest of the GFSoft Bernard Callebeaut Suite (BCT, Shoe Shopper 4.0 and Back Rub 4.0) to really increase your system's performance and deliver smooth operation. BCT works on just about all versions.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretarySoft Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. (see Wife 1.0 manual, Secretary with Short Skirt)
WARNING!!! Attempting to install NGFSoft New Girlfriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system. (see Wife 1.0 manual, New Girlfriend)
***** BUG WARNING *****
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install MistressSoft Mistress 1.0 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files before executing a self-uninstallation. Then Mistress 1.0 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient system resources. (see Wife 1.0 manual, Mistress) Interestingly enough, all versions of Personal Lawyer still work fine. (see Wife 1.0 manual, Personal Lawyer)
***** BUG WORKAROUNDS *****
If you can afford it, try installing Mistress 1.0 on an entirely different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar GNW-GML (GNW's Not Wife-General Marriage Licence) applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another possible solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via an ISP under an anonymous name. FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!!!!!!!
NEWSFLASH
I came across more tech notes about this product on the Internet. You should immediately add this to your README.TXT and update your WIFE.INI file as noted.
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***** BUG FIX *****
Another bug has surfaced with the uninstall feature of WIFE 1.0. A TSR program stays resident in memory after uninstalling WIFE 1.0 that on a recurring basis takes up to 50% of your system resources before allowing any of your programs to run. In cases of complex or "messy" uninstalls, resource losses can be as high as 80%. This TSR can be negated by adding the following line to your WIFE.INI file:
DEVICE=C:\WIFE\SETUP\PRENUPTL.386
IMPORTANT - This line must be inserted before the DEVICE=C:\WIFE\SETUP\WDDNGDAY.386 statement in order to work properly. This new driver will redirect all calls to
C:\WIFE\UNINSTALL\CMNLPROP.DLL to
C:\WIFE\UNINSTALL\WAIVEALL.DLL
during the uninstall process. (see Wife 1.0 manual, CMNLProp)
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***** UPGRADE ANNOUNCEMENT *****
WIFE 2.0 is currently in development and should be ready for release shortly. WIFE 2.0 takes 30% less disk space while featuring a flashier, more attractive, User Interface. Unfortunately, this upgrade is expected to require significantly more resources than Wife 1.0. For those users unable to upgrade to Wife 2.0, addins RedSprtsCar and NewBoat are currently in beta testing. These addins will work with the executable C:\WIFE\MIDLIFE.COM.
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Best of luck,
Tech Support